*throws $20 bill at stripper* hey can I have the change
“sorry you’re not my type” i say to the man willing to donate blood to me as i am sick on my death bed
one time at a wax museum i thought one of the tour guides was a wax person cuz they were just standing there not moving so i go up to them like “who the fuck is this supposed to be” then they just looked at me and laughed
sorry im poor i cant afford to pay attention
i love u!!!! it’s my favorite vowel!!!
will smith everybody
he’s so aggressively proud and determined to direct attention to his wife and son. first he’s like, LOOK AT THIS BEAUTY AND STRENGTH AND POWER AND SHE AGREED TO MARRY ME, and then with his son, he’s like LOOK, I MADE A THING, AND I AM PROUD OF THIS THING THAT I MADE.
I MADE A THING
i’m flipping a coin
heads ill do my homework
tails i wont
it was heads but im going to pretend it was tails
this sums up my entire life
fun fact one time robert pattinson was supposed to get punk’d at the bar where my cousin works and they got all the employees in on it and everything but when it came time to punk him his friends couldn’t get him to leave his house and that’s when I knew I loved robert pattinson